EDITOR’S NOTE: I’m on an annual blogging vacation for the last two weeks of the year. To make sure you still have content, some of the smartest members of the community have stepped up with guest posts in my absence. Special thanks to today’s author who is infamous enough to not need an introduction but get one anyway, SideShowBob233. I’ll see you on January 1! If you’re interested in writing a guest post, please reach out!
So it’s been about a year since my Chase post, which has been mostly well received. I’m a year older, a year wiser (really you’re thinking, are you wiser SideShowBob233 – and yes you’re still saying the 233 part), have a lot more rakes behind me (but still too many in front of me) so do you still think Chase deposit accounts are a bad idea?
The answer is yes. After my post I continued to hear many people report shutdowns with deposit accounts, including quite a few shutdown within a couple of weeks of opening the account for a bonus. Each one makes me want to put a rake in front of them and watch gleefully (which is how I do all my watching, sometimes with only my clown shoes on – get that image out of your head!) as they step on it. Why people risk their Chase relationship over less than $1,000 is a mystery to me, as is how to walk past a rake without stepping on it.
What really gets me mad (about this – I’m not talking about my anger over Bart and definitely not about my anger over people who spell “lose” as “loose”) are the people who argue with me that it’s fine and that I’m making a big deal over nothing. Some people took issue with my characterization that you are more likely to get shut or that you will get shutdown, which is a fair argument if you take my posts as fully serious, which is something only a clown would do.
When I say you will get shutdown I’m talking odds, but with odds there’s never a guarantee. However, my trusty buddy Chad ran the numbers for me and there is a 420.6969000000000012% increased chance of being shutdown by Chase when you have a deposit account (I believe Chad had some assistance with his calculations from the Fluz interns). Now that doesn’t mean you will be shutdown, but I don’t like those odds (OK maybe I like parts of the odds, but not all together). And again $1,000 is nice (I could get a gold-plated rake!) but you can get that from a single Ink card bonus so why risk it? Not to mention Chase deposit accounts report every penny to Early Warning System (EWS).
“So SideShowBob233” you’re thinking (let’s face it you’re not thinking that you’re saying it out loud and your family is wondering whether your meds have worn off and you’re talking to your imaginary friends again), what if I haven’t heard of a single Chase shutdown ever caused by this? To that I say you need to get out more, especially out of the rubber room they keep you in because it happens often, both to people who know better and to people who don’t know better but should (and even to random people who don’t churn at all, because Chase really doesn’t care if they screw you over for no reason). Even if you don’t hear about them, I hear about them, and if you dig enough you will too (or they’ll restrain you for trying to dig in your rubber room, if that happens definitely don’t mention the clown with the orange hair and rakes, it won’t help your case).
I’d like to end this by pointing out there are tons of banks and credit unions (and I weighed them all to confirm there are in fact tons, not just metric tons) all of which are not Chase, do not report to EWS, and also have bank bonuses. So please stay away from Chase (and Citi) bank bonuses. There are even some lovely fintechs that are not banks and for a fee (but often for free!) will lose your money for good.
Now I’d really like to end this (and I can hear you muttering SideShowBob are you ever going to really end this, but you left off the 233 this time because the elf on the shelf told you to stop saying it because it makes you sound crazy) by suggesting you use a business bank account for anything you can, especially one that does not report to EWS (some do, like BOA business checking for some sole prop businesses). Stay tuned for more.
– SideShowBob233
SideShowBob233 (pictured) dictating this article to MEAB (pictured?)