EDITORS NOTE: In 2024, I’m going to try and have a guest post on Saturdays. Today’s guest post is from the always helpful and funny SideShowBob233, who can apparently be reached at SideShowBob233.com.
The Amex financial review team (henceforth referred to as the FR team because I am lazy but you knew that already because of the private investigator you hired to follow me) is one of the most feared teams at everyone’s favorite points and miles cash cows, probably more than the RAT team since the FR can actually shut you down (I’m not clear if the RAT team gets involved in shutdowns although it’s possible they do for blatant abuse such as obviously paying Amex with Amex).
Generally, to get noticed by the FR team (and their Top Notch Never WrongTM algorithms – note I trademarked that because how gullible are you anyway) the easiest way is to spend a lot of money (more than you usually spend) and not pay right away. The TNNW algorithm flags you as a bust-out risk and sends your name, phone, card portfolio, and stool sample to the FR team for the preferential – bordering on gentle – possibly even lover-like treatment only they can provide (sue me Marvel).
Once the FR team gets involved, they will generally suspend all your cards (block new charges on them) and call you, causing you to need to change your underwear – please tell me you wear it – actually don’t tell me I don’t want to know). They sometimes will want bank statements, sometimes tax transcripts, occasionally a urine sample but in most cases despite scaring the life out of you the result is not the worst case (shutdown or card closure). Generally, the worst-case outcome is limits on your cards – barring any major lies on your part like a declared income of $1M and you are making minimum wage working at McDonald’s AND eating their food 3 times a day while wearing the Grimace costume and ONLY the Grimace costume.
This is generally common knowledge SideShowBob233 you say (once again you say the 233 out loud as only you can, which is different than how everyone else says it because face it, you’re weird) so why are you wasting our time with this besides shamelessly stealing quotes from Deadpool?
The reason is there is a different kind of FR which has been showing up more frequently of late and I want to warn you about it. Also because sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward, that’s just how I roll.
This new type of FR can be triggered the same way as I boringly detailed above (this is your cue to go back and re-read and actually pay attention this time) but sometimes it can be triggered by a returned payment or possibly by linking a new payment account to Amex. In this new type of FR they are concerned about the ownership of the account(s) you are paying them with. This is a variation on the fear you can’t pay them as payments from an account you don’t own could be fraudulent and eventually returned. They will ask you for proof of ownership of the accounts you’ve been paying them with. If you cannot provide the requested proof, they will close your cards (they want actual PDF statements from the bank). If you can provide the documentation but your name is not on the accounts there are several outcomes – one is they will ask you for a third party authorization form filled out by the account owner, sometimes they will let you add a new account in your name and pay from it then provide a statement, but sometimes you get a jerk and (s)he says no to all of that and you have to provide a statement on an account (from the past) with that name on it.
So you’re all saying to yourselves thanks SideShowBob233 (this time you skipped saying the 233 out loud because my laziness is contagious) you’ve scared me a little, but what can I do? The answer is always have at least one account in the cardholder’s name linked to at least one card. Ideally every cardholder should be paid from an account they are an authorized signer on to avoid any issues. Is there a guarantee they will find you? No, nothing in life is guaranteed except death, taxes, and rakes. But why mess around with the potential to get the FR team involved.
Finally, I know you’re thinking “I’m not lazy like you SideShowBob233 so I am going to use my photoshop skills and give Amex a fake bank statement and go on my way” but let me overcome my innate laziness and explain why that is a terrible idea. First, that is basically financial fraud, and unless you’re a billionaire you can go to jail doing things like that. Churning has a lot of gray lines and I’d like to stay on the safer side of that one.
Second, there are systems like ChexSystems and EWS (see my other post) that track ownership (ever wonder why some banks can instantly verify account ownership?) and if Amex sees a document saying SideShowMel is an owner but pulls a Chex report or EWS and sees the account is actually owned by SideShowBob233, they are not stupid and will not take kindly to being lied to (plus they will obviously know it’s a lie and won’t accept that doctored statement/artwork as proof). And to be honest when they are asking you for proof they generally already know the answer in most cases – but it’s possible Chex/EWS is wrong so they are asking you to verify, but don’t FAFO with the FR team.
As a final sendoff here’s an animation of me setting up all my family members to make sure they pay their cards from accounts in their name to avoid this risk in the future:
As a final, final sendoff, here’s me on vacation because you didn’t really want to keep your breakfast down anyway:
– SideShowBob233