Martin Luther King holiday is a strange holiday in the western US; as far as I can tell it’s not treated with the same deference here as compared to the east, and especially the southeast. I bring this up because I wanted to offer wishes for a nice holiday weekend — but for some, especially in the west, it’s not a holiday at many employers, so “gee, sorry your mom blew up, Ricky” I guess.

1. Merrill will pay you from $100 to $1,000 to move your assets, even in a retirement account, over to them and hold it there for 6 months. Unless all of your wealth is in a 401k held at your current employer, you can probably move it to Merrill easily without changing your holdings or positions. It’s also a lower total asset move than normal bonuses of this size.

2. Chase will pay you $2,000 to upgrade your account to a Chase Private Client account, which gives you a debit card that says “Chase Private Client” as the main perk (BlueCat mentions that the Arts & Culture program is a big benefit too). This one has a minimum balance of $250,000 held for 90 days though, so the barrier to entry is higher than the Merrill deal. As with that deal, you can move retirement accounts, investment accounts, or other banking system assets. This doesn’t have to be a checking account transfer.

A picture of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 cast in the theater watching a backdrop of a quarter with the words "Money Talks!" overlaid.
MLK3K $3K, err, wait what?